I am a woman searching for my inner goddess and using fabrics, words and photography as my road map. I find great comfort and order in my creative efforts and hope that in sharing them you find a peace also. Welcome and Be Blessed!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

A Lions Heart



Morning is here and the hallways of this hospital are now lite up and busy. I have been resting in a chair all night while I watched over my Mom. Yes, things did happen yesterday. Not at all planned things but I believe that I was guided by what I knew to be my Moms wishes first, and by the Lord because it was me who pushed things to a conclusion. In the end God arranged things and when the whole family was together and the Doctor showed up I began to ask him the hard questions. I asked those things that everyone really didn't want to know. I asked in such a way that there was no hiding from the truth. There, in that hospital hallway, with the doctor who loves my Mom dearly, 2 nurses, my sister and my step family I stated that I did not believe that this was what my Mother wanted and we all knew it and that I could no longer watch and be a part of something so wrong. My sister seconded my thoughts. Therefore the breathing tube was staying put because that was what the step family chose. I was told I knew where the waiting room was. I reached down and took my sister's hand and led her straight to my Moms bed where we told Mom that we no longer had the strength to watch this. We said our good byes as our stepfather came in to kick us out.


We left the hospital then and I could hold my head up knowing that I had done the best I could for my Mother. I had spoken and I was most definitely heard- maybe by the whole floor? Later, at breakfast, we received a call from my stepbrother saying that my step dad had talked to Moms sister and then he decided that he would have the tubes removed at the noon visitation.


It is now 7:45 am. Mom has been doing very well through the night. It has been such a gift for me to be able to sit and watch over this woman who has done the same for me so many times. She is able to talk. She is proud of my sister and me- now that was an amazing gift. To have Mom confirm that we did what she wanted despite the opposition. No matter what happens from here on out it will be my Moms choice. That was all we wanted for her, the opportunity for her to choose her destiny.


She told me earlier this morning that she wants to go home. We will work to make that happen. This woman has the heart of a lion. The Doctor told me that only 13% of her heart is left living now. It must be the really big courageous part because she is not finished teaching us. She has spent 35 years trying to keep this little family together and she is not finished yet.


I can smile knowing that for once in my life I have done what my Mom would most want me to do and yes, I might even have a lion cub growling around in that heart of mine just waiting to grow up and be like my Momma.




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I believe that things can always be cured with a hug and a cup of tea, fixed with either a needle and thread, duct tape, WD40 or coke, and that prayer works every time. I take in strays whether in animal or childlike form. I have been mother to many for a time and this is my way of keeping up with some of those straying children that I miss. I appreciate shock value and use it often to remind people that the world is round and colorful and we are not all living in square brown cardboard boxes with little holes cut in for windows. Look for the warm fuzzies- God delivers them up fresh every day just to say- I think you are pretty darned special- so special that I have your picture up on my fridge for life and I am sending you a hug to remind you that you matter to me.

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