Sigh

Today has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I decided today was a good day to stay home and recharge and regroup. I sent hubby off to work and went for a walk. I needed to rage a bit and have found that to be my safest venue- no one gets their feelings hurt and I get to let it all out plus burn off those M&Ms! Today was a rage with much angst sorta walk. Heavy footed and just generally pissed. Two thirds of the way around I had made some sort of an understanding with all that was bothering me. I had a focus, a place to start, a point of attack so to speak. I began to feel peace once more.

I need to point out this raging stuff is a part of my that I had never really seen or known before. I am certain that it is there for a purpose and perhaps I have often missed the proper opportunity to use it because I was totally unaware of what I was capable of, but it is coming out now in unhelpful ways- hence the walking and raging together so no one is hurt deal.

I was now walking with a sense of resolution- not quite calm yet but getting there when I saw one of my cats with a chipmunk in its mouth. She dropped it in front of me and then sorta played with it. The grinny as they are called here began to realise it was not really injured and then decided to make a run for safety. I stood there and watched as it began the scurry across the road and right up my leg. My brain was saying "ohhhh lets see how how it will go at the same time my leg was punt kicking that sucker right out into the field. Image the stories it is telling all the other grinnys tonight- about being in the clutches of that evil wicked monster and then flying to safety. I had to laugh at the way God had brought me to an understanding during my walk and then as only He can do, he brought some comic relief into my walk just to remind me that He is with me and watching over me.

The rest of my day has been working on some of the emotions my walk has brought to light. Interestingly God had me land on a blog today that reminded me that these things will pass and that I am a survivor. Great, I can and will deal with it all and move on from it.

Decided I needed to get some pictures of my 2 really cute kittens who are naturally dressed in Pittsburgh Steeler colors. Now I am in true mourning and don't know how to escape this one. My camera has died a thousand deaths and she is not cameraing for me anymore. Suddenly everything that has taken place today seems so irrelavant in the big picture- oh Damn- there are no big pictures, or little pictures or even blurry ones right now. And to top it off, I am out of M&Ms. Sigh.